-3 LB, 80 To Go???

I am really nervous to post my weight for this week.

The scale says I am at 255... but I can't believe it to be right..

I haven't done too well this past week... I mean I had Hibachi one night... which included tons of rice! I had somewhere around 3 pieces of my son's graduation cake.. (I ended up having to throw nearly the entire cake away because I couldn't keep myself from pigging out over it)

I honestly can't believe this loss to be real. Secondly, I don't want to get excited about reaching my first goal then next week find that it was just some kind of fluke.

I weighed myself like 5 times in a row... but I think I am going to wait out this week - if I am still at 255 or below next Friday then I will reward myself for the loss and add it into my weight loss chart... if not then it will be just a fluke...

I really don't understand the human body.

Did you write that down?

I have been using the Weight Watcher Journal to record what I eat every day. I recently finished the journal and couldn't get a new one because I refuse to pay $12 a week to buy a $10 journal. Sorry, but I think $12 a week is really steep of a price for stepping on a scale.

So, anyways I started browsing online to find a journal. I received the one I ordered and I absolutely love it!

It is small enough to go with me everywhere - it has everything listed that anyone dieting would want to track - and it even has spot for before and after photos! So, I thought I would recommend it to anyone looking for one.

DietMinder Personal Food and Fitness Journal

- 2 LB, 83 To Go

I am pretty proud of myself this week. I remembered to take all of my medication everyday and I stayed in my point range everyday. That is a huge accomplishment for me considering what a basket case I was in April.

On another note, I have *officially* lost 30 lbs. I haven't lost that much in a long time. I pray I keep on going!

Only 3 lbs to my first goal... I am not sure if I am going to reward myself with a new purse and wallet or new pair of gym shoes. I really need the shoes... I haven't been to the gym since April 30th. I don't know why it is so hard for me to get myself there lately... I love working out and it makes me feel so much better - why couldn't I want to indulge in that serotonin release other than the one that comes from food and leaves me feeling crappy and guilty afterward...? Will I ever find something to replace my high from food? For Mother's Day my husband got me a Nintendo DS with a puzzle game on it. So whenever I am bored, restless, or anxious I can play a quick game instead of doing the mindless munching thing. So far, it has helped a lot. I have started, slowly, to relate playing a puzzle with relaxing.

Once again changing is such a hard thing to do!

- 2 LB, 85 To Go

Alrighty, now if I can just break through the 50's that would be great!

I'm thinking about getting a new scale.. I would really like to have one that lists your percentage of body fat and water.

Well, I am pooped -- I will be back later in the week!

+ 1 LB, 87 To Go

Ah, I really don't have anything to say... other than I have been really slacking lately.

Whenever I fall off of the wagon it is really hard for me to get motivated to catch up and hop back on...

Why is that? The benefits of being healthy are so numerous - yet it is hard to stick with it. That is something I don't understand about myself.

One thing I have noticed is that I am having a hard time lowering my portion sizes. I lowered them and lost roughly 30 lbs - but now I need to lower them even further to keep going - but I am having a difficult time dealing with the hunger... and frequent need to snack. I am tittering between 260 - 262. So at least I am maintaining - now I just have to motivate myself to break through this rough spot.

Ahhh, gotta roll up the sleeves and get it done.

- 1 LB, 86 To Go

Ah, well in the month of April I actually gained a pound. March was an awesome month with a 9 LB loss. I guess we all have some bad days, weeks, and months.... right? Oh, well I am determined to make May worth while.

My mouth isn't gonna win this month!

My Weight Chart:

+3 LB - 87 To Go

This month has been a BIG challenge...

But I have been getting up at 5:30 am and trekking it to the gym to workout. Working out at night was just too difficult to insure -- so now I go before my husband leaves for work. I made it 3 times this week ;) My goal is to go 3X a week until the end of May ... then I may bump it up to 4X week.

I have been very forgetful lately on the reasons why I want to work so hard to lose weight. My munching has been taking over and I have been really lazy about what I eat and if I journal it. So, I made myself a *Reward* Chart for some motivation.

@ 255: A new purse and wallet. (I need one for the summer!)
@ 235: New gym shoes. (I really want a new pair of Nike's!)
@ 215: A new mattress. (Ours has huge sags in it where I have laid on it!)
@ 195: New jewelry. (Smart Glass Jewelry)
@ 175: New hairdo!

I have already figured out the purse and shoes I want - it motivates me to know I can go get these things because of my hard work.

I also made a deal with myself that everyday that I stick to my point range and eat healthy I will deposit $1 into my savings account. When I get to my goal I will take the money and do something special for myself with it. Who knows what - but I am sure I won't have any problems deciding then! Now, if within that same week I have a horrible day I will subtract a $1 out of the account. So, if in 1 week I do great 5 days but mess up 2 then I will deposit $5 but subtract $2 giving me only $3 to deposit. I figured this goal could motivate me to not think "Oh, this extra *something something* won't hurt me." I am going to do my deposits on a weekly basis starting next week.

Whatever works right?

Patchey the Pirate Visits!

Argh... this week has been horrible! I am PMSing so bad - I am irritable, and all I want to do it eat mindlessly! I have been munching on cookies, chips, coke... the list could go on. While I am PMSing I feel like I have lost the reins, sturups and I am running wild!

How do you handle it?

When I go for something to munch on I grab some gum and go wild trying to keep myself at bay. It works for a little bit. I figure if smokers can replace smoking with chewing gum then I can replace my munchies with gum chewin'.

When I am PMSing things that usually don't tempt me begin to...I found a left over Dark Chocolate bunny from easter and it tasted so good - I wished it lasted forever!

I would love to hear from anyone about how you compromise with your PMS!!!

- 1 LB, 84 To Go

Well, I have reached the 10% mark.

Many things I have read claim that once you lose 10% of your body fat that your P.C.O.S. symptoms will improve.

Have mine improved? Well, I am controlling my sugar levels better, and my acne has reduced significantly. My hair growth has prolly gotten a little worse... but other than that I am starting to feel a lot better.

On a positive note, I have noticed an increase in my energy levels. As far as my body, my pants are much baggier. I can take off my jeans without unbuttoning them - which is nice! My stomach fat has been reduced significantly - which helps my insulin resistance. Plus, I can bend over more easily and cross my legs more easily too. All of these things help keep me motivated to keep trying my best to change.

I want control again - and I know I can have it. God promises it, I just gotta work for it. After carrying this weight for the past years I don't' mind at all the work that comes before the reward!

Sometimes I get anxious because I don't think I am losing fast enough. I know... I am demented! But, I remind myself that I am in no rush and I should enjoy the journey of learning how to change. What a simple thing that can be soooo hard!

0 LB, 85 To Go

Ah, well I haven't been the best angel this week, so I can't blame anyone but myself. There were some days this week that I didn't get any veggies in... yes, I know it is horrible!

Oh, well today is a start of a new week - and I am going to do much better!

Tonight, my husbands family is coming over for dinner. They want a meatless pasta dish for Lent and they are bringing something chocolate oriented for dessert. I am thinking of making myself some angel food cake that I can have for dessert that won't be so high in points.

I just hate eating something different than everyone else.. everyone always asks you why you aren't eating their food... "You don't like it?", "You're on a diet?" Then I have to explain everything to them... and I hate it -- they all are skinny and don't think twice about their weight much less what they eat... I am the only fat one in the bunch and I hate getting attention for it.

We are all going to the beach in September for a family trip. I really hope that by then I will have made a lot more progress so I won't feel so out of place in my bathing suit. Mostly, I want my good eating habits to be much more of a habit so their dining won't be hard to resist.

Five Favorite Foods

Abba put up her five favorite weaknesses, and I started thinking of my own...

1. Filet Mignon

2. Chocolate Chip Cookies

3. Burritos

4. Coke/Root Beer

5. Cupcakes

I am a huge carb freak. I love bread, sugary cakes... I love cupcakes with filling in the middle... I LOVE dunkin donuts cream filled donuts... I love anything chocolate chip oriented... anything Mexican oriented.

I constantly battle with my addiction with sugar. Sometimes I wish the crap didn't exist. I have thought that it may be due to my insulin resistance as to why I crave it all the time. Since my cells don't absorb insulin, they don't get glucose - so my brain screams for sugar and I go nuts trying to get enough, then finally my body gets its glucose and I crash... It is a HORRIBLE cycle. But, thank God for medicine - because now that I have been consistently taking it for 6 months + my sugar cravings have diminished quite a bit. It is a lot easier to manage my portion sizes.

You know, my husband is starting to notice my weight loss. Since he sees me everyday I knew that when he started to notice my weight loss - I would be making some mad progress. It feels really nice to be actually accomplishing something that I thought was near impossible... but I don't want to jinx myself because I still have a way to go.. and a lot more to learn.

- 5 LB ~ 85 To Go

Wow, I didn't realize how much my cycle makes a difference in the scales. I think I will be able to live with it, though... ;)

I set mini goals each week, and each month for my weight loss. It keeps me going, and I don't get overwhelmed with the larger picture. This month my goal was 259 by today... I missed it by 1 lb - I think that is pretty good!

I am sick once again - so I have missed the gym all this week. Really ticks me off because I want to go! I love putting on my iPod and just letting my mind go. It is the one time in my day that I can be alone and think only about myself and what I want to accomplish.

You might wonder why I am always sick... well combination of children and 5,000 + pollen count and you have your answer. Gotta love it!

My hubbie and I got to get away to a Thrashers game last night - I want to get a Jersey to wear to the games but I told myself I am going to wait until next season (October) when I can get into a Large... I want this one.
I am going to get into it too! (Positive thinking works... right?!?)

+2 LB - 90 To Go

Ah... I was doing so well this past month... but I am hoping that my gain is primarily due to my cycle.. lets hope!

I hate my period. About 3 days before its arrival I get so iggy, and I just want to munch & munch! But, really paying attention to my reactions this month has brought some things into light for me. I feel extremely anxious while PMSing. I can't sleep, I worry about everything, and in return I get really irritable. I just feel really stressed in general. But, about 2 days into my period I start to feel normal again, and controlling my snacking is easy again.

About every week I try to write something down, or find a picture that motivates me. I usually keep it in my pocket, in my purse, or better yet on the cookie tin! Last week's motivational message was a reminder that a new mall is opening close to my place in October and I want to go shopping and enjoy every bit of it! This week I found a picture on a L. B. coupon I got in the mail. I really love the picture. She is curvy, normal sized, yet beautiful. That is what I want to achieve. I don't want to be a supermodel, or super thin, I just want to be a beautiful woman.

Weeks Weight Loss: 2 LB - 88 To Go

Oh my gosh!!! I lost 2 lbs this week again! I am so pumped! I can't believe that I now only have 88 lbs to lose... 88 sounds so much better than 113! My brother saw me today and told me he could tell that I am losing weight -- I can't believe I am finally getting somewhere! You fight yourself for so long and now I finally feel as if I am starting to make progress. I am so glad that I have all the ladies and gents in the weight loss world to share it with! I pray that everyone else has as good of results if not better!

Weeks Weight Loss: 2 LB - 90 To Go

Wow, this weeks loss was a real shock to me. I didn't do the greatest with my food choices, but I did stay within my points range. I was expecting to have no change if I was lucky!

So, things have been relatively easy with the points system. I first tried WW back in 2001. I failed miserably, and hated the diet. But, looking back on everything that has happened, I believe I had to endure much more restrictive diets, and failures so I could grow into really wanting to be healthy, and not so much for vanity purposes. Now, don't get me wrong I do look forward to liking my body again, liking my reflection, and liking my image... but now that is just icing on the cake... not the cake itself.

Weeks Weight Loss: 2LB - 92 To Go

Yay! I am so pumped that I lost 2 lbs doing WW! It was amazingly easy for me... just knowing I can have pretty much whatever I want motivates me to move forward just because I don't have to freak about .. "Can I eat that?" "Is that food included on my list?" So, I am one happy chic!

The only obstacle I am facing now is going to the gym. I have to wait on my hubby to get home so I can go.. but more and more he can't make it home in time for me to go before I'm too tired to go. This past week I had to ask my mom to watch the kids so I could go... at least once this past week. My mom doesn't live close by... it can take me up to 45 minutes to get to her place and then I have to drive another 20 to get back to the gym and back to her place then back to my house... yeah, BIG pain. So, I guess I am going to have to start going during the day when my kids are in school - my youngest is in MDO so that only comes twice a week. The only reason I don't go then is because my bestest friend in the whole wide world supports me by going with me after she gets off of work. To give you an idea of why she is the BFITWWW, she goes to school from 9-330 - then work from 5-930 - and then she meets me at the gym at 945 and works out with me until 11pm! That is her schedule Mon - Fri!!! To boot -- she is only 13 lbs overweight... yeah I couldn't do without her!

Alright, my kids are calling... I hope everyone has a wonderful week and happy scales next week!!!

Weeks Weight Loss: 0LB - 94 To Go

Kinda not surprised that I didn't lose this week. There were two days that I just binged...and usually I binge on something that is sweet - but this time it was chips, popcorn, pretzels.. all I wanted was salt!

But, I got a hold of myself and went to Weight Watchers this past Thursday. I got on the scale wearing my jeans and a t-shirt and their scale said I was at 270! I was really happy because usually whenever I go anywhere other than my scale I am disappointed with the huge difference. So, I did join Weight Watchers. I am kinda excited and nervous about it. Today is day 2 and it just seems too easy. I felt funny being able to eat pancakes (nutrigrain) in the morning if I want. I am just so used to telling myself that there are foods that I just can't have... but on this plan I choose healthy options first and if I have room I can sneak in some "bad" foods. So, essentially they are not "bad" anymore. Honestly, it does seem like something I could do for the rest of my life. I have no idea if my body is going to react positively due to my insulin resistance... but I have to try or I will never know. This could be the plan that I could see through to the end. Lets pray so right!?

Hypoglycemia?

Well, I have been doing Phase 1 of South Beach. I started feeling bad Friday, but I brushed it off to the weather, then again Saturday and it was a lot worse. I was lightheaded, spacey, couldn't concentrate, irritable, and my skin kept flushing, plus heart palpitations. So, I was reading about what could be going on and it is possible that my blood sugar was just way too low. I am on metformin for my P.C.O.S. and it regulates my blood sugar - but I think the combo of my meds and Phase 1 just don't mix.

So... I am back to square one. Plus, I just feel like I am starting to lose weight too fast - Friday I was at 269 and this morning I was at 267... I feel a lot better about losing 1-3 lbs a week because I know it will be a lot easier to keep it off for good. I never get excited when I lose weight quickly because in the past it has always came back to visit.. with some friends.

So, yesterday I was visiting my Mom, and I told her what was happening. She got really mad at me, because she doesn't think low carbin' is good for me due to my high side effects and ever higher failure rate. Her and my aunts just joined Weight Watchers and she was showing me their plans. Their Core Plan is pretty much the South Beach diet. She thinks that WW would be better for me because it is realistic with how I prefer to eat now, except portions and frequency. So, I have been considering joining. My husband got a little aggravated when I told him I wanted to join because I have wasted soooo much money in the past on weight loss attempts. So, I asked him about me joining (I think there is no registration fee right now) and just going monthly to save on money. He seemed okay with that.

I am really tired of reaching for straws.. I just want to find a eating plan that I will stick to. But, I guess I just need to force myself to do it - like I do going to the gym. So, honestly I am going to give this plan some real willpower. I'm gonna go on Thursday.

Weeks Weight Loss: 1 LB - 94 To Go

Wow, it is shocking that I am in the 60's. But, it really makes me happy! I don't want to get too excited because I'm on my period and I know water retention can change everything. So, the true test will be next Friday. I am going to start going to the gym again on Monday. I am feeling a lot better and I can breathe. Plus, I miss it!

Fun Facts

Currently at 270, I am Morbidly Obese.

At 260 I will be Obese. (Last time at this weight: 2004)

At 195 I will be Overweight. (Last time at this weight: 2000)

At 160 I will be Normal. (Last time at this weight: 1998)

I have only weighed 160 once that I can remember. It was 9 years ago and I achieved it by only eating one meal a day. As soon as I starting adding lunch back into my eating habits I was back up to 180. So, since I am going about my weight loss a little more healthy maybe I can achieve it without starving myself.

1 pound is equal to 3,500 calories. I have 95 lbs to lose, which translates to 332,500 calories!!! I can't believe that I have consumed that many calories over what my body actually needs!

What a little piggy I have been! Oink! I think I am done with the "piggy" scene... now I am ready for more of a "kitty" scene... tidy, groomed, and dynamic.