- 3 LB, 84 To Go

Well, finally I am getting back to the lowest point I have been!

This time I want to never go back to the 60's. So, I'm gonna have to focus on breaking through the 50's. I am not surprised that 260ish has been a plateau for me. That is how much I weighed before I had my second child - so I think it is a comfortable spot for my body.

I have lowered my daily points value by 5 points to get through this plateau. So, I think it is working.

I'm still trucking it at the gym. This week I have made it Monday and Thursday so I am gonna have to make myself go tomorrow to get at least 3x in.

As a family we have decided that we are ready for a dog. Been looking - going tomorrow... I hope that having a dog might egg me on to be a little more active with my kids - the only exercise I get is at the gym... it would be nice to have mandatory walks together.

Well, if I can just break through these last 4 pounds I will have made my first goal!

-0 LB, 87 To Go

Well, no change this week. I did really well this week except for the cake fiasco. But, I did start my period this week - I have been having it every 2 weeks so hopefully my meds will kick in soon!

So, I get discouraged because I have been hovering at 260 for 3 months now - but if I keep on kicking it the weight has got to fall off sometime soon right?

I feel like my body is changing - but the scale and measuring tape say otherwise. My husband even said that for the first time in a long time he is starting to see my waist. My waist to hips ratio is rather scary - I look like a box!

Well, no matter how long it takes my body to decide to let it go - I'm not gonna give up - this is all I have towards a happier and healthier me.

Ummm... Cake!

After having a great couple of days with handling my diet - I went and fudged it up today.

I had my healthy cereal this morning and jumped on the road with the kids - we had tons of errands. By the time I could think about eating I was at the grocery store... and I lost to the fattie in me and bought a small cake.

Ummmm... cake is such a weakness for me -- why would I even let myself buy one!?! So, we got home - I fed the kids and put them down for a nap - then I had a piece of cake - then later I had another piece for a "snack"... then another piece for dinner -- well you get the point - by the time I put the kids in the bed I looked at the cake and realized I had eaten half of it completely by myself!!!

AH - the HORROR!

The worst thing about it is that I did all of this eating almost unconsciously. It didn't even occur to me that I was 1) eating fattening cake and 2) a lot of it! Whenever I screw up badly my brain exits and my body goes nuts!

Well, my brain is back and in control - gonna go to the gym tomorrow and eat right - and get back on this buck-o!

-1 LB, 87 To Go

I just got back from the gym... doing my good ole hour and half workout. I always feel on top of the world after I workout - I faintly see the light at the end of the tunnel!

There was this girl working out next to me, she was very fit and pretty. I have never seen someone get hit on as much as her! Young guys, old guys you name it!

Anyways, my success on Weight Watchers has given my dad some motivation to try it. He has already lost 20 lbs! He wants to lose about the same amount as I do - so maybe we can do it together.

Today has been a wonderful day for my diet. I wish all days were like this! I have eaten good wholesome foods within my point range and I haven't been crazy for any type of junk food that is in my pantry. My husband has Double Stuffed Oreos, chocolate chip cookies, the kids have pretzels and nacho chips... all things I could go crazy on! But today the Lord has blessed me with ability to say NO!

Well I am rambling -- I hope everyone has great results this week, and a good, HEALTHY weekend!

-1 LB, 88 To Go

Well, I didn't do half of what I said I would do while on vacation. I didn't exercise at all, and by the time Thursday night rolled around I was eating 4-5 pieces of cookie cake and washing it down with some Coke.

But, by Saturday morning I was so ready to get back to my normal eating habits - I felt bloated and nauseous. Needless to say, it hasn't been hard at all to move back to where I was, I actually wanted to!

So, I didn't accomplish my goals of sticking to eating healthy or exercising while on vacation but one thing I have learned is that the changes I have made are starting to become my lifestyle and that is the larger accomplishment that matters the most.

- 1 LB, 89 To Go

Well, slowly but surely...

I have found a new lunch that is pretty tasty. I get a whole wheat tortilla and spread some Naturally More Peanut Butter on it and layer it with a sliced banana. It is really fulfilling - plus the peanut butter has flax seed in it which is good for you.

Next week I go on vacation to the mountains. My food choices are going to be a challenge. The rest of my family has quit trying to lose weight - so the healthy food choices won't be so abundant. So, I am going to have to think ahead and prepare meals just for myself. It is a lot harder to change alone - but I don't want this to be yet another failed attempt. For exercise I plan on hiking trails and doing lunges, sit ups, push ups - stuff like that everyday.

I hope everyone has a great week - and if you live in the States a great holiday! Be back on the 8th!

-1 LB, 90 To Go

Well, I guess that is some good news huh?

I have been working out religiously and trying to eat healthier choices. I have loved how in control working out makes me feel, and I tried out a kickboxing class and really enjoyed it! I looked like a fool - but I just laughed at myself and kept going, at least I am trying! The kickboxing instructor had so much energy and was so excited, now granted I know she isn't like that all the time - but I NEVER feel like that and I crave it. My husband always tells me that if you want to be better you gotta hang out with people who challenge you. Getting physically fit is a huge challenge - but one I want dearly.

My trainer has been showing me how simple moves can really work your muscles. I dunno I guess it kinda hit me that you don't have to be a genius to get fit you just have to move and keep moving.

My trainer was talking to me about nutrition. She asked me what I had problems with in my diet and I told her that I eat too much processed food that I have around for the kids and not enough whole grains, veggies etc. She said, "...you can't have Oreo's in the house - they do nothing for your body whatsoever..." I dunno why it has taken so long but a bell went off in my head. If I want to have a good looking body that responds then I gotta spend the extra money on the premium gasoline. I mean seriously how many hot models do you see with Oreo's, Little Debbies, and Cokes in their fridges? You can't have beautiful skin, radiant hair, polished nails feeding your body corn syrup and preservatives.

Now, there are some women who can eat junk and still look hot. I know a few - but they all have acne, run tired and out of breath easily. If I could be thin and hot without effort but feel the same as I do now, would I want that over working hard but resulting with a beautiful body, mind, spirit?

I think for the first time in my life I don't want to take the easy route. I'm changing slowly but surely...

+ 6 LB, 91 To Go

Gosh, I am really frustrated.

All last week I met with my trainer and she worked my butt out. This week I am on my own - which I know I will be fine. The huge gain is such a depressing thing to see. I am so discouraged.

I am not really sure why I have had such a huge gain. I know that you gain when you first start doing weights - but 6 lbs? Secondly, I have been off my meds for about 3 weeks now - mostly due to the insurance company taking their sweet time to get my enrollment info to me. So, I could be gaining because I have been without my metformin. Being without my wellbutrin hasn't been easy either. I have been a real capital "B" lately.... I hate that.

So, anyways - I am determined NOT to quit - this will happen! I have to just keep telling myself that set backs are going to happen on this never ending journey.

Possibly A New Chapter

OK, as everyone knows I have been doing horribly lately. But I got off my rear and called a local personal trainer and had my first session yesterday. I ended up fainting - so we all know I was actually doing some progress - just maybe a little too much at once! :)

But, after hitting my first plateau I found myself slowly creeping back towards my old habits. I am serious about change so I did what I have been really terrified to do - experience a REAL workout - with the discomfort included. I am so lazy...I want to workout but not be inconvenienced. I have been working out since December and I have loved it. But, my workouts were all cardio and the worst that happened was I lost my breath and got really sweaty. Yesterday we didn't do one thing cardio - all resistance training.... You aren't moving fast but man it is hard! It kicks your butt hardcore! Simple push ups, sit ups, squats.... My muscles were shaking about 2 mins into it. But, I am learning what I have to do to get the results I want.

I go back this afternoon for another assessment - and even though I am really sore I am excited.

+2, 85 To Go

Argh. I have been doing terribly lately. I haven't been tracking what I eat and I'm having a horrible time controlling my urges to overeat. Portion sizes, portion sizes!

Every time I have tried to change the way I eat after about 3 months I find myself sabotaging the success I have made. Why? I dunno... I get comfortable and start slipping back into my old ways. But I want this time to be different - I want to keep trucking through. I WANT TO CHANGE! I don't want to make excuses for myself - I don't want to be lazy!

I have so many cool things coming up this year to keep me motivated - but I quickly forget about them when I don't want to watch my portions. This year I am going to Seattle for the first time, the beach, and the mountains. I haven't been on vacation since 2004! In 2004 we traveled overseas and I was at 260, where I am now - and I had bruises on my hips from the plane ride because I had to stuff myself into the seat. It was so embarrassing when I couldn't put the tray down to eat my dinner because my stomach was too big. I don't want that to happen this year - I don't want to feel that way again.

I read success stories about people who just start changing how they eat and lose a ton of weight and never go back... yet I keep running around the same mountain -- do those people never run into obstacles?

-3 LB, 80 To Go???

I am really nervous to post my weight for this week.

The scale says I am at 255... but I can't believe it to be right..

I haven't done too well this past week... I mean I had Hibachi one night... which included tons of rice! I had somewhere around 3 pieces of my son's graduation cake.. (I ended up having to throw nearly the entire cake away because I couldn't keep myself from pigging out over it)

I honestly can't believe this loss to be real. Secondly, I don't want to get excited about reaching my first goal then next week find that it was just some kind of fluke.

I weighed myself like 5 times in a row... but I think I am going to wait out this week - if I am still at 255 or below next Friday then I will reward myself for the loss and add it into my weight loss chart... if not then it will be just a fluke...

I really don't understand the human body.

Did you write that down?

I have been using the Weight Watcher Journal to record what I eat every day. I recently finished the journal and couldn't get a new one because I refuse to pay $12 a week to buy a $10 journal. Sorry, but I think $12 a week is really steep of a price for stepping on a scale.

So, anyways I started browsing online to find a journal. I received the one I ordered and I absolutely love it!

It is small enough to go with me everywhere - it has everything listed that anyone dieting would want to track - and it even has spot for before and after photos! So, I thought I would recommend it to anyone looking for one.

DietMinder Personal Food and Fitness Journal

- 2 LB, 83 To Go

I am pretty proud of myself this week. I remembered to take all of my medication everyday and I stayed in my point range everyday. That is a huge accomplishment for me considering what a basket case I was in April.

On another note, I have *officially* lost 30 lbs. I haven't lost that much in a long time. I pray I keep on going!

Only 3 lbs to my first goal... I am not sure if I am going to reward myself with a new purse and wallet or new pair of gym shoes. I really need the shoes... I haven't been to the gym since April 30th. I don't know why it is so hard for me to get myself there lately... I love working out and it makes me feel so much better - why couldn't I want to indulge in that serotonin release other than the one that comes from food and leaves me feeling crappy and guilty afterward...? Will I ever find something to replace my high from food? For Mother's Day my husband got me a Nintendo DS with a puzzle game on it. So whenever I am bored, restless, or anxious I can play a quick game instead of doing the mindless munching thing. So far, it has helped a lot. I have started, slowly, to relate playing a puzzle with relaxing.

Once again changing is such a hard thing to do!

- 2 LB, 85 To Go

Alrighty, now if I can just break through the 50's that would be great!

I'm thinking about getting a new scale.. I would really like to have one that lists your percentage of body fat and water.

Well, I am pooped -- I will be back later in the week!

+ 1 LB, 87 To Go

Ah, I really don't have anything to say... other than I have been really slacking lately.

Whenever I fall off of the wagon it is really hard for me to get motivated to catch up and hop back on...

Why is that? The benefits of being healthy are so numerous - yet it is hard to stick with it. That is something I don't understand about myself.

One thing I have noticed is that I am having a hard time lowering my portion sizes. I lowered them and lost roughly 30 lbs - but now I need to lower them even further to keep going - but I am having a difficult time dealing with the hunger... and frequent need to snack. I am tittering between 260 - 262. So at least I am maintaining - now I just have to motivate myself to break through this rough spot.

Ahhh, gotta roll up the sleeves and get it done.

- 1 LB, 86 To Go

Ah, well in the month of April I actually gained a pound. March was an awesome month with a 9 LB loss. I guess we all have some bad days, weeks, and months.... right? Oh, well I am determined to make May worth while.

My mouth isn't gonna win this month!

My Weight Chart:

+3 LB - 87 To Go

This month has been a BIG challenge...

But I have been getting up at 5:30 am and trekking it to the gym to workout. Working out at night was just too difficult to insure -- so now I go before my husband leaves for work. I made it 3 times this week ;) My goal is to go 3X a week until the end of May ... then I may bump it up to 4X week.

I have been very forgetful lately on the reasons why I want to work so hard to lose weight. My munching has been taking over and I have been really lazy about what I eat and if I journal it. So, I made myself a *Reward* Chart for some motivation.

@ 255: A new purse and wallet. (I need one for the summer!)
@ 235: New gym shoes. (I really want a new pair of Nike's!)
@ 215: A new mattress. (Ours has huge sags in it where I have laid on it!)
@ 195: New jewelry. (Smart Glass Jewelry)
@ 175: New hairdo!

I have already figured out the purse and shoes I want - it motivates me to know I can go get these things because of my hard work.

I also made a deal with myself that everyday that I stick to my point range and eat healthy I will deposit $1 into my savings account. When I get to my goal I will take the money and do something special for myself with it. Who knows what - but I am sure I won't have any problems deciding then! Now, if within that same week I have a horrible day I will subtract a $1 out of the account. So, if in 1 week I do great 5 days but mess up 2 then I will deposit $5 but subtract $2 giving me only $3 to deposit. I figured this goal could motivate me to not think "Oh, this extra *something something* won't hurt me." I am going to do my deposits on a weekly basis starting next week.

Whatever works right?

Patchey the Pirate Visits!

Argh... this week has been horrible! I am PMSing so bad - I am irritable, and all I want to do it eat mindlessly! I have been munching on cookies, chips, coke... the list could go on. While I am PMSing I feel like I have lost the reins, sturups and I am running wild!

How do you handle it?

When I go for something to munch on I grab some gum and go wild trying to keep myself at bay. It works for a little bit. I figure if smokers can replace smoking with chewing gum then I can replace my munchies with gum chewin'.

When I am PMSing things that usually don't tempt me begin to...I found a left over Dark Chocolate bunny from easter and it tasted so good - I wished it lasted forever!

I would love to hear from anyone about how you compromise with your PMS!!!

- 1 LB, 84 To Go

Well, I have reached the 10% mark.

Many things I have read claim that once you lose 10% of your body fat that your P.C.O.S. symptoms will improve.

Have mine improved? Well, I am controlling my sugar levels better, and my acne has reduced significantly. My hair growth has prolly gotten a little worse... but other than that I am starting to feel a lot better.

On a positive note, I have noticed an increase in my energy levels. As far as my body, my pants are much baggier. I can take off my jeans without unbuttoning them - which is nice! My stomach fat has been reduced significantly - which helps my insulin resistance. Plus, I can bend over more easily and cross my legs more easily too. All of these things help keep me motivated to keep trying my best to change.

I want control again - and I know I can have it. God promises it, I just gotta work for it. After carrying this weight for the past years I don't' mind at all the work that comes before the reward!

Sometimes I get anxious because I don't think I am losing fast enough. I know... I am demented! But, I remind myself that I am in no rush and I should enjoy the journey of learning how to change. What a simple thing that can be soooo hard!

0 LB, 85 To Go

Ah, well I haven't been the best angel this week, so I can't blame anyone but myself. There were some days this week that I didn't get any veggies in... yes, I know it is horrible!

Oh, well today is a start of a new week - and I am going to do much better!

Tonight, my husbands family is coming over for dinner. They want a meatless pasta dish for Lent and they are bringing something chocolate oriented for dessert. I am thinking of making myself some angel food cake that I can have for dessert that won't be so high in points.

I just hate eating something different than everyone else.. everyone always asks you why you aren't eating their food... "You don't like it?", "You're on a diet?" Then I have to explain everything to them... and I hate it -- they all are skinny and don't think twice about their weight much less what they eat... I am the only fat one in the bunch and I hate getting attention for it.

We are all going to the beach in September for a family trip. I really hope that by then I will have made a lot more progress so I won't feel so out of place in my bathing suit. Mostly, I want my good eating habits to be much more of a habit so their dining won't be hard to resist.