Road Trip

I finally did it! I got back to exercising again! I had stopped in late August (I think) and I have finally gotten off my butt and started again... So what I learned from this experience - DON'T STOP! Even if I am ultra lazy and only workout for 10 minutes - I can't quit - because it is harder to start back up than to speed up.

I am taking it really slow. I only walked and it was for about 25 mins. It was close to a mile, if not a mile. I will have to Map My Run.

There is this hill that I climbed... ah, it was a B! My legs felt like they were going to give out and at some points I felt as if I couldn't catch my breath. I want to blog all of this treachery so I can remember how hard it was in the beginning - so then I will have a better understanding of how I have changed. When change is subtle, it is easy to look over things you have accomplished. I am the worlds worst for getting fed up with myself and saying. "I have been doing this for a month now and I haven't seen the slightest change!" So, this will be my proof that I have indeed done something.

My husband was talking to me last night about my struggle with my weight. I told him how fighting it over the past 5 years has really drained me to the point that sometimes I just want to give up. He said, "What have you done in the last five years? You have bounced from one diet to the next - placing unrealistic goals for yourself and when you didn't reach them you got mad and started something else. You were looking for a quick fix. I think now you have finally realized this is going to be something that is slow changing, and something you have to do to benefit yourself - not something you do just to lose weight." And, it dawned on me - that he was right. It was all vanity before. "I want to be skinny again! I want to look pretty again!" Now, I have calmed down. Maybe it is that I am just getting older - but I am starting to see that there is no rush.

I need to slow down and enjoy the road trip. Beep Beep!

Belly Jelly!

After studying the pictures I posted, I noticed that the majority of my weight is in my stomach. That is to be expected with PCOS... in order for me to lose weight I first have to fight this disease. And what really sucks is I gotta figure out how to do it on my own because doctor's are no flipping help at all. I have books and books on PCOS and how it works on making you crazy - so I think I am going to break them out and do a little digging and post the results here to be a daily reminder as to what exactly I am to do to win this war! ...Not just the battle!

Well, I am off to help my family remodel my grandparents place before they get back home from their 7 month RV trip. Maybe I will post some pics to show you the before and after. It is the entire families Christmas present to them - and not to worry, my mother is an interior decorator so she knows how to hook it up! (You should see my place - everyone thinks I am really talented ;) ..but I can't take any credit...

It is done.

Alrighty, I took a huge leap of faith on my part.

I posted up my pics.

Now, let me warn you... these are some of my worst pictures that I have of myself. They are the pictures you see of yourself and your mouth drops open with disgust - your hair raises on your arms... your fingers tremble because they yearn to rip them up into tiny pieces!

They are THAT bad.

But, I figured so-what if someone I know finds them. This is me, and right now I am fat. I can't change it over night - I see it as a trial in my life and I'm climbing the hill as we speak. Every dog has his day. I don't care if people call me a fatass or make rude comments about me - it may hurt for a split second - but I know the truth about myself. I have been blessed with a husband that loves me for me and has supported me through it all - friends that are curt, yet gentle. I know I am not perfect - inside and out. But, I also know I am not worthless. I do have a lot of weight to lose, I am moody as hell, sometimes I snap at people, and sometimes I can be judgmental - but I try to stay aware of my flaws in order to keep them in check. I guess what I am trying to say is, I am not perfect, far from it - but I have figured out how to love myself with all of my flaws... and I am pretty proud of the person I have came to be while treading through the muck.

Now, I am still using my alias - I just like it. But if you really want to know my name - it's Arica - but I prolly won't ever use it on here. I am going to post pics prolly every three months - and hopefully a difference will be seen!

I just wanna say thanks to all the other girls out there that have had the courage to share themselves online for the world to see - you guys have given me the courage to do it too! Oh, and that is my very first avatar ;)

Sickness Galore

Since I have gotten home I have had this awful cold. Now, it is a horrible cough, headache, neckache... it really stinks!

I wanted to start walking this week - but I just haven't had the mustard to get out of bed in the mornings to run. I get out of bed cause I can't sleep and neither can my daughter ... she is even more sick than I am.

I have gotten back on my regular eating plan... thank God! I am ready to feel better. I have set up a Fit Day account to track my food and exercise. My first goal is to lose 20 lbs by Thanksgiving.

Well, this entry is going nowhere fast - my head hurts. I will post next week if not later this week.

Oh, yeah my stats are:

Current Weight: 285, 115 lbs to go!

Home, Sweet Home.

Alrighty, so I am back... and all I got for it was a cold. Ah, I'm just playing - my family was very ready to see me -- and vice versa! I had a lot of fun, but man was I ready to get back home! Not 24 hours from being home I got a head cold from my kids... and boy does it suck. As you can imagine, I didn't care one bit what I ate on my vacation. I did notice the first few days how horrible I felt... I was really ready to get back on my diet. When I eat right, I find that I feel a lot lighter - when I eat horribly - I feel like a whale! So, I came back 8 pounds heavier. Ah, 8 lbs in 1 week!!! I really know how to pack it on! Oh well, I'm not going to get down - just going to get started. I have made a small goal of losing 20 lbs by Thanksgiving. Plus, I am going to start running again next week (hopefully when this dreadful cold is gone). I want to post to my blog once a week with my results - good or bad! So for now, I'm at 288 with 118 lbs to go! If I can be at my goal by Thanksgiving, I will only have 100 lbs to go.. the lower the better!

Caribbean, here I come!

Well, tomorrow morning at 9am I will be off to the Caribbean.

It will be my first time there and my first time on a cruise. I am excited yet, not, because I don't want to leave my family. I'm a SAHM and rarely away from my kids and hubbie. So we will see how it is going to go. I have been getting a lot of bad news lately, so I am hoping this trip will be stress free... to some degree!

Well, the last week has went pretty well as far as my diet is concerned. I am really starting to find myself wanting to eat better... not doing it just because I "have" to. I have no idea how things are going to pan out on the cruise... and I dunno if this is the right mentality or not but... I am not going to worry about it. If I want a sundae - I'm going to eat one.... without binging! I have found that when I tell myself I can have all those times I used to eat... I really don't want them that badly anymore... hopefully that thinking will help me not gain all the weight I have lost back on this vacation.

Well, I am off to clean house... and see what my daughter is destroying! Be back in a week!