I have been feeling like such poo lately. I am sick .. AGAIN! I have been really down and depressed... not including stressed. I am just not taking care of myself. But, I don't know sometimes why it is so hard to comprehend that nothing is going to change unless I change. I want to eat healthy.. I do crave it - but I have noticed and so has my husband that I am self destructive. Why, would anyone be that way? Why am I that way? I have no idea... but I know I am. As soon as I start to lose weight - I start eating horribly and gain it all back (plus some). Once I start getting attention - I drop it and run. What am I so scared of? I am not doing anything bad... this is the best thing I could ever do for myself! Has anyone reading this ever felt this way? Anyone know where to start to conquer it?
Any suggestions or comments are appreciated. So, here I go again... starting over. The only reason I keep on trying is because I know it can be done - and I know that all the ladies out here in weight loss blogdom actually understand it.
So, here is my plan. I am going to wipe out all white stuff, no soda, no fast food, I am only going to eat when my stomach growls, I am going to mostly eat fresh food, and I am going to only eat small portions - about the size of my palm - at a time.
So, lets take in another breath and give it another go!
10.30.2006
Time to Change.
Posted by Abi at 21:45
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3 comments:
Anonymous obviously has issues -ignore stupid people like that. I totally understand where you're coming from. I think that I share you're fear of getting thin. All big people feel it to some degree. We have one of the few addictions that you wear for everyone to see. Smokers can sneak a cigarette, druggies can try to hide it, drunks are just called "social." However, I eat to relieve stress and my fat creates a wall so people can't get close to me. I don't have to deal with sexual advances and many other problems that weight normal people fight. There's a whole host of reasons why it is so easy to use overeating as a salve, but the most terrible part is that it is an addiction that everyone can see. So many people feel as if they have a right to comment. People don't walk up to druggies and say, "Gee, those needle marks must really bother you. Have you tried rehab?" Yet, how many times has an overweight person endured some moron telling us about a great new diet and how it works so well. You're doing great. Hang in there and don't pay any attention to stupid people with cruel opinions.
I am following a plan similar to the one you mentioned on this post. I understand everything that you are dealing with - the only thing that works for me is prayer and more prayer. Take care and as always hang in there. -Manie
I happened on your blog and just wanted to let you know that there is one other person out here in the world who has that desire to change followed by sabotage pattern. I'm sure there are actually tons of people. Anyway, I know that my sabotage is a way of staying in a situation that feels comfortable (even if it isn't good for me). I'm not sure comfortable is even the right word. It's not even very comfortable, it's just "known". It's always difficult to move from the known to the unknown even when we are aware in our minds that the new place will be a better place. Odd, I know. Human nature? Brain function? I'm not sure. Nevertheless, I hope you make it to your "new place". Don't forget you may make progress and then go back to the "old place", just make it as short a visit as possible and then get back on the road to the new place. Best of luck.
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