Underneath it all.

Well, I would have posted earlier, except for blogger being buggy.

So, thanks for all the comments. I have been trying to focus on my diet, but I have been extremely absent minded lately. My motivation has run astray - and I'm tired of trying to find the booger. But more on that later.

But, in good news I got my first job using my degree ;) I start the Monday after Thanksgiving. I had to undergo 3 interviews to get the position. But, one thing I noticed is, the girls that I will be working closely with are all around my size. (Well they are actually one or two sizes smaller than me, but close enough). But, that made me instantly more comfortable... more at home. The fear of ridicule, fierce judgment and "I am prettier than you - therefore better" competition fled the room. I actually felt like I had a shot at getting the job - since some other members of my family have told me time and time again, "With how big you are - you are going to have a hard time finding a job." How relaxed I became with their physical presence, in return, made me start thinking - when, WHEN I lose weight - are thicker women going to feel uncomfortable around me? Right now, I would like to think that people feel like they can approach me. I hope that in some way I can keep that when I lose weight -- and I'm not referring to male flirtation -- I actually dread that... a lot. But, in the back of my mind I feel like a down to earth mother, but when I lose weight - who will I turn into? A "too good for you" B? An unapproachable hot woman? A "who does she think she is" woman?

I have no idea who I will be 100 lbs lighter. I am afraid of losing it all when I lose these dreaded pounds - my family, my friends, my open mind.... Who am I underneath?