CAUTION: RANT

Well, my goal for my first week was a loss of 2 lbs, and I got a 3 lb loss even with Thanksgiving. That is pretty good ;)

Yesterday, I let myself have whatever I wanted -- and there was tons of carbs! I weighed myself yesterday before eating and the scale said 276.0 - then I weighed myself just now and it says 280.0! Is that even possible? A 4 lb gain in 1 day!? Does this happen to other dieters when they take a break? Or, is this just me and there is something wrong with my body? Yesterday, I didn't eat great at all - but I wasn't expecting a 4 lb gain... I was thinking more or less 2 lb. Well, I am not going to let it get me down - I did still reach my weekly goal, which is good.

Well, Wednesday my girlfriend and I joined the gym. I got a 6 month membership. I wanted to get a 3 month but they wanted me to pay in full instead of installments -- just couldn't do that at this time of year -- so 6 months it is. Anyways, I am excited about the gym - they have a ton of stuff to do -- even water aerobic classes. And, what is really funny is that my end date lands on my sons graduation from Kindergarten. That is an event that I was looking forward to go to a lot lighter - so that motivates me even more. Also, I go next week and a personal trainer evaluates me and gives me a workout plan to follow for 12 weeks and then we meet up again to see my results and change my workout regime. At the end of 12 weeks I will be going on that cruise with my husband .. so I don't lack any motivating events for the future! I am pretty excited though -- I am ready to be active and know that I am doing all that I can. Plus, it gives me something to do for myself and a chance to get out of the house. Being a SAHM can give ya a little cabin fever from time to time.

Oh, yeah I was offered a job and I was supposed to start on the 27th but... I had to do a drug test. I went and did a drug test but the doctors office rejected my sample because: 1) it wasn't 45 ml - it was 40 ml 2) it wasn't hot enough AKA they didn't believe it was my piss. So, they wanted me to wait another 1 - 1 1/2 hour to do another test and I couldn't (I had already been there for an hour and half) I had my children with me - I couldn't find anyone to watch them for me. So, I had to leave and they faxed a letter to my future employer that said I rejected a drug test... which I didn't - I did the friggin' thing. So, I called my company told the HR lady what happened - told her I would take 5 more if they needed me to - but that wasn't good enough - they told me "No job for you!". So, I am back at square one again. I was really bummed out at first - but now I know it was for the best, God knew I didn't need to be there and thankfully he shut the door before I could walk through it.

But, ya know I don't agree with employment drug testing or physicals. My aunt had a physical for a job and the doctor wrote down that she MAY have carpal tunnel syndrome in the future and they denied her the job because she would have to do some typing. The woman is healthy as a buck. I think that is hardcore discrimination. But legally it isn't because "it may affect her job performance." My husband doesn't agree with me... but I think it is a really bad practice that is going to lead to worse things. I mean what if your drug test came back false positive? How could you prove your innocence? You couldn't. I offered to take a million more drug tests and they told me that waiting until the next morning would give me time to get "the drugs" out of my system. (Yes, they talked to me like I was a junkie!) Secondly, if your pee isn't yellow enough they won't accept your sample. Well I drink so much water that my pee is hardly ever yellow! That doesn't mean I am doing drugs! I am trying to be healthy for crying out loud! To me when a company does pre-employment drug testing or random testing - 1) it says that your employer doesn't trust you, 2) it is the same as the police searching your home for narcotics with out any reason -- "Well, we have no reason to suspect that you may have drugs in your home - but we are going to search your place anyway - this is just our way of protecting ourselves.. AND INVADING YOUR RIGHT TO PRIVACY! Yes, you can keep your right to privacy and not take the test -- but then you lose the job. Well, I could rant on this forever -- but I seriously doubt anything is ever going to change - my faith in this government is fading rapidly. Military state, here we come.

If your interested in more, check this out.

Movement Needed.

Umk, my low carbin' has been doing great the past three days. I actually haven't felt very hungry and things that used to tempt me.. just haven't. I have been praying so much for the ability to control myself - I think God may have finally blessed me with it because it has been rather easy. I am not really doing Atkins - my diet leans more towards South Beach. But, I don't make myself eat every 3 hours - I just eat when my stomach is hungry.

I need to start working out regularly... so I called up my best friend (which is no where near as big as I am) and asked her if she would consider signing up at the gym with me. She said she would love too. So... we are going to try to go today and sign up. This gym offers a lot of things to do from aerobics classes, swimming, to weight lifting. So, it shouldn't be too hard for me to find something that I like to do. Plus, it is a 24 hour gym. I figure if I can't get away all day to the gym the worst case scenario is that I wait until my husband gets home and then go. But, hopefully my girlfriend will be able to go with me most of the time. Her and I rarely get to spend time together due to her job and my kids. I am hoping that this will be something we can do together and I can look forward to seeing her and talking my heart out.

So, I think for my first month at the gym I am going to make a goal of going 3 times a week for at least 30 mins each time. Next year this time, I wanna be 100 lbs lighter!!

EEK!

My husband came home and told me that his company trip for 2007 is a cruise! It is in February - think I could lose 100 lbs by then..? Ha, just playing.

But, I never go to his Christmas parties or meet his co-workers for the fear of them saying something about my weight. My husband is on the thinner side - but he is pretty average. But, he really likes this company and the peeps he works with... so he wants me to go with him. I would love to go... I am just afraid of having to wear a bathing suit in front of them. It is one thing to wear regular clothing... but a bathing suit!?!

Oh well, one thing I am going to do is lose some weight before hand. This may be the push that I have been asking for.

So, I have roughly 15 weeks until this cruise... I am thinking a goal of 30 pounds is doable. That is 2 lb a week.

I have been doing pretty good the past three days. Been watching my sugar like a hawk - I am actually excited about weighing in on Friday!

Underneath it all.

Well, I would have posted earlier, except for blogger being buggy.

So, thanks for all the comments. I have been trying to focus on my diet, but I have been extremely absent minded lately. My motivation has run astray - and I'm tired of trying to find the booger. But more on that later.

But, in good news I got my first job using my degree ;) I start the Monday after Thanksgiving. I had to undergo 3 interviews to get the position. But, one thing I noticed is, the girls that I will be working closely with are all around my size. (Well they are actually one or two sizes smaller than me, but close enough). But, that made me instantly more comfortable... more at home. The fear of ridicule, fierce judgment and "I am prettier than you - therefore better" competition fled the room. I actually felt like I had a shot at getting the job - since some other members of my family have told me time and time again, "With how big you are - you are going to have a hard time finding a job." How relaxed I became with their physical presence, in return, made me start thinking - when, WHEN I lose weight - are thicker women going to feel uncomfortable around me? Right now, I would like to think that people feel like they can approach me. I hope that in some way I can keep that when I lose weight -- and I'm not referring to male flirtation -- I actually dread that... a lot. But, in the back of my mind I feel like a down to earth mother, but when I lose weight - who will I turn into? A "too good for you" B? An unapproachable hot woman? A "who does she think she is" woman?

I have no idea who I will be 100 lbs lighter. I am afraid of losing it all when I lose these dreaded pounds - my family, my friends, my open mind.... Who am I underneath?