That fat person in the mirror...

I went to see my trainer this morning. After we were finished she took me to a step aerobics class - she keeps urging more different types of cardio through out the week.

So, I got my bench and started the class... it was quite embarrassing because I didn't know any of the moves and I have no balance what so ever... but I was still okay laughing at myself and giving it my all.

Then it all changed when I looked up and saw myself in the mirror. Who the hell was that fat chick? I was the biggest person in the class and every part of me was jiggling.

At that moment all of my glory from losing 30 lbs was lost. My self image doesn't match at all with the reality of myself. I always think, "Yeah, I'm overweight - but it isn't that bad..." Well, today it hit me - I am that bad. I am huge...and sad. After class I came home and ate 1/2 pie and a large coke.

I'm pretty down.

Even though my mind knows that feeling self pity isn't the right option - it is being a bitch trying to shake it off.

What is it going to take for me to get serious?


Pandora Woman said...

I was doing my blog hopping and came across your blog. Particularly this post hit me, and made me just want to post!

NEVER lose sight of what you have done so far. Losing 30 lbs, and keeping it of is pretty fantastic. We will never be perfect, no one is!

You are not that bad! You are that fantastic for losing all that weight, for caring enough about yourself to shed the pounds that make living less enjoyable, less healthy.

I have a rather large mirror in my house, and I do look at myself, in the nude. Granted not something I will do to just anyone but myself and some one very special, but I can see I am slimmer, and I can see I am healthier, feel healthier, and thus happier!

Mind if I link you to my blog? Just leave a comment on mine, I would so love your name in that link list as well.


Abba said...

Holy crap. I have been gone for a week. I wish I could have read this post earlier. You can do this!!! You can. Who gives a rat's fat ass if you are the biggest in the class. This only shows people that you mean business and you want to make a change in your life. I bet many of your class would be very encouraging. Don't stop going. Keep your chin up!

Abi said...

Thanks a lot guys. You are TOO nice. I am feeling a lot better now. I just have days where I can't see any type of a light. But, that doesn't mean I'm gonna quit, thanks to my support!