40 lbs!

Wow, I have finally made it to the big 40! I officially feel like I have done something hard :)

Well, today is 4 day of my 11 day diet. I am pretty proud of myself for doing as well as I have - but I have slipped. So, things could be better - but I will take what I can get.

I am a little bummed this morning - I have been weighing myself every morning to give myself incentive to keep going - cause sometimes it gets really tough and my lazy ass starts to think that backsliding won't hurt too bad... Well to the point, Tuesday morning I lost 1 lb, Wednesday morning I lost 2 lbs, and this morning I gained a pound. So, I am wigging out because things aren't "perfect".

I will get over it. But, I do really really hope that when this 11 day menu is up that I won't gain the weight back faster than I can blink.

So, I am sitting here telling myself to relish on the good things and keep going. That's how it's done... right?

Here come the mountains after the plains..

Well, I have been sitting still here at 251 for awhile. Even though, in the world of my weight loss things have been boring my eating has not! I have been eating whatever I want whenever and I haven't gained - thankfully!

But... (here comes the catch) my trainer is not satisfied! So, she has made a menu that she wants me to eat for 11 days. She wants to "jump-start" my eating habits. Sadly, to say she is more determined about my weight loss efforts than I am. Don't get me wrong - it is something I am ALWAYS concerned about - but I fizzle out from time to time. Sometimes, pushing the rock up the mountain gets old and you gotta stop - shift and get your bearings straight to get going again.

The diet is mostly protein, veggies, and fruit. From time to time she throws in some carbs - but not many. She has looked at my food journal and fussed at me because I am not eating a third of my protein requirements and eating too many carbs. Ah, what can I say? I am addicted to carbs.

So, on one hand I am excited and another I am scared. I am excited because maybe I can get through this and get going again - possibly make it to my half way point before the end of the year.. Then I am fearful - what if I go through sugar withdrawal and just can't handle it? What if it hurts too bad?!?!

Yes, I am a weenie.

Well, I will be back this week a lot - bitching and moaning about how I have to eat what's good for me :) I start tomorrow - wish this weenie some strength!

Truth be told...

I suck at this!

I stuck to eating consciously for 1 week and lost 5 lbs... you would think that would motive me to do better ... right??? Yeah, not the case - I start slacking off and get too comfortable and my weight starts to rise right back up. It's the same old story... but one thing I am doing this time is I am not giving up. No matter how horrible I do - I refuse to stop - I am going to achieve this even if it takes me 10 years!

I told my personal trainer that I quit going to my Weight Watchers meetings. She said, "If you are not going to be accountable to Weight Watchers anymore - I guess you are going to have to be accountable to me - YOU ARE GOING to e-mail me every night with what you ate during the day." Ouch! Talk about not being able to dodge a bullet! I don't like being held accountable... it means I have to do what I "want" to do... but what I "want" to do hurts! But, the person inside my head keeps telling me that if I want to change I am going to have to face the demons I have been ignoring. Who wants to do that?

Well, I guess I do.

If I want to be the person I muse then I am going to have to get uncomfortable... tantrum and all.

2nd Qtr Challenge - here I come!

Hey guys and gals...

For the past six months I have been stuck in the mid to high 50's while doing Weight Watchers. I would constantly push myself and do really well then from exhaustion just not give a crap and gain what I lost back.

So... my Mom called me about some "weight loss" show she was watching on TLC called I Can Make You Thin. I promised her I would watch it but I knew it was going to be nothing of use to me. Well, after watching the 1st show it definitely grabbed my attention. It wasn't your usual "take this magic pill and watch the weight melt away!" scheme. It actually sounded like good grounded common sense. My Mom begged me to go on it with her for at least 1 week - she knew I had been battling myself with Weight Watchers for awhile and didn't want me to give up.

It was really strange the 1st week. It was actually hard for me to tell when I was full! I also had to stop myself from wigging out about - "I gotta eat this - I can't have that.." mentality. But, I found myself having much more control over myself because I didn't have to worry about not being able to have "insert something yummy here". I found myself getting full a lot sooner with a lot less food. And to boot - I was content because I was eating what I actually wanted!

The 1st week I lost close to 5 lbs and my Mom lost 7 lbs! ... and it was WAY too easy! So, fad or not I am giving this method a run. There is no 1 method that is the only right one... something different works for all of us. Maybe this is my solution.. I sure hope so.

-4.2 LB, 5.2 To Go!

Wow!

I had a fairly good week this past week but man I wasn't expecting that type of loss! I am so used to teetering around 257 - my lowest weight. But FINALLY, I broke through my plateau!

I was thinking about not going to weigh in this morning because my daughter is sick and out of school. But, I knew I wouldn't be there long so I took her with me. Glad I did! When, I see this type of loss it gets me even more motivated to be better!

Thank you, Jesus! :)

I have a decent shot at reaching my 1st Quarter Goal now! Woohoo - I'm gonna give it some hell!

-1.2 LB, 97.4 To Go

Well, the past two weeks have been relatively good.

I have tried to focus more on what types of foods I am eating. I am going by the Core Plan on Weight Watchers to lead my choices but still counting my flex points. I have tried to limit my sugar as much as possible. I usually have some type of slip up everyday. I did have one perfect day recently though... last Thursday - I ate very well and even had 4 points left over after dinner to use for dessert. It felt so nice to do so well! But, I was busy all day. Being a SAHM, it is hard not to munch... and on that Thursday I didn't have time to munch. Today I didn't journal what I ate. If I think about what I have eaten today - I did nothing but snack until dinner time. My son had a big heart filled with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and who knows how many I finally ended up eating... 1 here .. 1 there...

But, I don't want to focus on the negative... the positive? I met my weight goal for last week. :) I changed my 1st Quarter Challenge goal from 235 to 249. It is just more realistic for me... I lose weight very slowly - but the weight I have lost I have pretty much kept off... which is good.

I have been working out like a dog. My friend (who is only 10 lbs overweight)started going to the gym with me again. After my 1st 15 mins on the treadmill and elliptical today she said she couldn't do anymore and moved on... I have surpassed her as far as cardio health. It is hard to think that my heart is in better shape than hers - yet I am 100 lbs over weight and her only 10 lbs.

One good thing about this journey so far is how much I have started loving to work out. For that 1 hour I feel like I have control... self control... and it is very sweet. Sometimes while I am working out really hard I will all of the sudden get this urge to cry and I have to quickly think of something else to get it to pass. I have never worked so hard in my life for anything other than this.

There was a girl in front of me and my friend today on a treadmill. Her body could not been more perfect - exactly what I dream about. She was normal yet fit. She ran on the treadmill for 30 mins + and had hardly broken a sweat. I wonder if she has always been like that? Has she ever been fat? Has she ever loved food too much?

Since the new year I have seen a lot more obese people in the gym. So many times I want to go up to them and say, "I am in this with you.." but I am too chicken. You never know how people will react to any comment related to their appreance.

Well, tomorrow is another day... and another chance to get this right.

Another Missed WI

This year has gotten off on an unorganized foot, if I may say...

I have been sick this week - fever, sore throat... all the fun stuff!

Recently, I have discovered that when I don't journal my food during the day that I actually eat less. When I am trying to have a "good" day I constantly constrict myself - which leads to me feeling completely worn out and deprived. Then I usually start pushing the envelope with a little "something something" here and a little "something something" there... then I finally bust and I just don't care... I eat all the wrong things and in huge quantities. Then after a day of going completely rogue - I jump back on the wagon and do pretty well.. for awhile. It is a huge pattern that has put a lot of strain on my weight loss... it is the main reason (I think) why I haven't made it through my current plateau yet.

So how do I deal with this? Do I have an outlier day every once in a while? Or is this something that we all experience along the way and just have to buckle down and get through?

Hello '08!

Hey everyone!

Well I am determined to make this year count! Trying to get healthy is one of the hardest things I have ever tackled. But, I know I can do this - and I know I will eventually get there. I am ready to change how I think about my body and the food I feed it. This isn't any longer about vanity - this is about my health and how I feel. Gosh, it has taken me so long to get where I am now - but I am not willing to let that get me down - because I have to have this!

My 20's have been wasted. I have been over weight, self conscious and withdrawn. I don't want to lose another year! I want to enjoy life and have fun - not obsess and cry over how I treat myself. I am worth it! I am a nice, fun person! I used to doubt myself - be very unsure - constantly think about why anyone would ever like me. NO MORE! Being down sucks - I want to climb up top! I want to enjoy being in public, being social, even having sex!

So, I have to realize that it is going to be hard - but it will be worth it. This isn't about willpower - this is about changing how I think about myself.

1. I am worth it.
2. I will have bad days - At times I will get discouraged.
3. I will no longer dwell on what I have done to myself.
4. I will focus on what lies ahead.
5. I will never believe that I can't do this.
6. I will never accept that I can't look hot.
7. Sugar and carbs will no longer be the staple of my diet.
8. In order to change I have to give up things that I think I can't live without.
9. I will workout 4x a week.
10. I will mainly drink water with an occasional diet soda. No fruit juices.
11. I will snack on fresh veggies, fruit, and low fat cheese.
12. NO more fast food for me or my children.
13. When I do eat carbs they must be whole grain.
14. I will stay within my points everyday.
15. I will only weigh in at Weight Watchers. NO more scale obsessing!
16. I will mentally imagine myself in the future everyday.
17. I will be a good example for my children.
18. I will be excited about the journey as well as the destination.
19. I will not compare my weight loss to others.
20. I will not feel sorry for myself anymore.
21. I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

I can do all of these things. God doesn't give me anything I can't handle - so I better suck it up and tackle it.

My sister-in-law passed on this very cool site to me. A girl who went from 300 to 120 lbs. Fit by Jen She is a great inspiration. She is now healthy and hot! For once in my life I want to be hot! I want to take my own breath away!

And I will. I will!