Thank you, McyD's

You know, lately I have been feeling pretty good about my diet.

This past Friday I was helping my mom around the house all day (putting in new floors & painting) by the end of the day we were starving. We had planned to go to the grocery store and get some food to make but we got carried away with getting the house finished. By the time we were finished my kids were starving and so were we. So we did the horrible.... we went to McDonalds. I had a double cheeseburger, french fries and a chocolate shake. Can't you tell I was hungry? After I ate the food, I felt like I had a brick in my stomach! Then I noticed that I hadn't felt that way since I started the South Beach Diet. It was like the past month I didn't even have a stomach... but after eating McyD's it came out of hiding... later that night I had indigestion and a horrible headache. I guess you don't realize how bad... fat, sugar, and carbs can make you feel. Let me tell you, it was extremely easy for me to get back on my diet the next day. I didn't realize how eating right makes you feel so much better. Even though, I really screwed up by going to McDonald's - I was able to realize that my diet is slowly becoming a lifestyle change for me. Just knowing that makes me feel even better than seeing the scales go down. Anyone can lose weight, you can starve yourself, go on a liquid diet, eliminate all carbs... but in the end nothing has really changed except the scales... I want more than that - I want to change my life by becoming healthy and hopefully weight loss will become a side effect. But, McDonalds helped me see that I am not really missing out on anything... unless you count indigestion and headaches as a good time.

I wanna run, run so far...

Ah, I haven't been on my meds in about two weeks due to lack of insurance and the scales claim that I have added on 2 lbs. Not to mention, my period started and will not stop... today is my 11th day... ah, I guess you don't realize how much medicine does help until it is gone. My husband reminded me that if I work hard, and get this weight off I won't need that medicine anymore. What a blessing that would be! So, I turned in my towel and ordered my meds... I am just going to have to fork out the money and deal with it!

I have been feeling a little bummed lately. My hormones could have something to do with it... You know, I always get discouraged easily with my weight - it is like I am looking to fail... I guess I am looking for the easy way out. Well, not this time. Thank God for weight loss blogs. When I'm feeling like a failure, I just pop in a read others journal's and shortly later I feel motivated again. Others have accomplished it - you can too!

Well, I was supposed to get out of bed this morning and run... did I? Nope. So I gotta get in the bed so I can get up and go at it in the morning. I feel really lazy and don't want to - but I remind myself of how great it makes me feel to run. You know, I had a dream the other night that I was running, and it was quite easy - and I didn't want to stop! It felt so great! I want that in reality. Instead of eating when I am happy, sad, or anxious I want to run. I know I can do this. I know I am strong enough. I have always considered myself strong. I have been dealt my crap and I have gotten through it all... this I can too get through.

Fabulous Prom Dress

I didn't lose anything this past week. It is prolly due to how horrible I ate... and in combination with it being that time for me. So maybe I did lose a pound and I will see it in my loss next week?!

I started Phase 2 of my diet today. I had a piece of cheese toast with a cup of fruit for breakfast. I am very satisfied. I really screwed up on Phase 1 of the diet - So many times I would try to eat eggs and just gag... I don't really care for them. I was going to push myself to do Phase 1 this week (to make up for how bad I did this last week)- but I just don't think it is a good idea. If I keep screwing up I am afraid that I will get really discouraged and give up. So, I am on Phase 2.

I am going to start my running again this week. I haven't ran in the past two weeks, so who knows, how that is going to go over with my body! I found these past two weeks that I can't have a huge box of fudgesicles in the freezer... just because they are better than ice cream doesn't mean I can eat an entire box of them in a week! So, I have decided I am going to keep sugar free popsicles and jello available and splurge with fudgesicles and chocolate covered strawberries. So this week, I am going to run T,Th, & SA. I am going to run at least a minute at a time to get my body back to where it was before I went on Phase 1. I knew I had quit running when I went to school to pick up my diploma and I was losing my breath walking up the stairs. I can't stand that! So road here I come!

I am going on a cruise in 19 days... my first one ever. My friend is coming with me and she is wearing my old prom dress from 9 years ago for formal night. She looked fabulous in it - but it made me feel down because I used to wear that same size 12 dress and look fabulous... but now I would be lucky to get it past my boobs. Instead I am wearing a size 22 dress, that is plain as hell, and it is good enough to get by in. Ahhh, I can't get upset - it does no good and on top of that my goal is to get back into that dress in time for our Hawaii trip in 2008. I think it can be done ... NO, I KNOW IT CAN BE DONE!!

Screwed.

I totally screwed myself today. I have been so bitchy... but that is in relation to my PMS.

I ended up going to Chickfila and getting a biscuit this morning and a root beer - then I did good I had a salad for lunch -- then I snacked on some Oreo's, Doritos, Cheetos, and Granola bars until dinner - then I ate a bowl of Cheerios. When I do it - I do it good. I get really pissed off at myself for not giving a damn the moment I shove that crap in my mouth. But, I guess no one wants to hear the my verbal abuse to myself... and well frankly neither do I.

My Aunts and Mother are also dieting with me. They have been on the SBD and are doing Phase 1 also... but they haven't screwed up once! I have screwed up so many times it is unbelieveable! Are they stronger than me? Are they going to make it, and I am not? Why don't I have enough will power as them?

It is pretty damn depressing... Do people who do make it to their goals experience these same stumbles? My "All or Nothing" attitude has got to go.

Praying Hard.

Umk, measured myself and I wasn't so disappointed.

My new stats are:

Weight: 280 <5lbs>
Bust: 52" <1">
Waist: 48" --
Hips: 55" <1">

So in 7 days I lost 5 pounds... Of those 7 days only 4 were sugar free. So if I can stick to more sugar free days this week I will have lost more. I want to reach my goal of 275 by next week sometime. Ah, ultimately I want to be in the 60's before I leave for vacation. I'm gonna do what my mom suggested - pray and expect it. You know, this is my health blog - not my religious one, but I can't deny how far God has brought me in this journey. I just pray that I will lose this weight and be fit... or more importantly that I don't screw this up like I have the past million times... or maybe I should just expect it.

Words of a Fat Woman.

Well, I got through my first week on Phase 1. Man has it sucked. I totally bombed the second and third days I was on the diet. I did get back on track and had 3 good days in a row. Not including that fact that I just recently had my birthday and had to pass up any and all cake/ice cream - talk about being ill... I have been as ill as a hornet! I just gotta keep reminding myself that I will be glad for all of the hard work I have done....

Sugar withdrawal has been the worst. You might as well slap me in a hospital bed. I am light headed, dizzy, have headaches, and I am mega bitchy. I can not wait to get to Phase 2. Then I won't feel like such a failure! Today, I slipped up and ate 1 biscuit my son didn't eat and then I had some vanilla wafers my daughter was eating... I have noticed that I always bomb around the kids... "Well, I can't just throw it away!". Words of a fat woman.

Ah, hopefully tomorrow morning when I weigh in I will post in a better mood.