Me & Golds 1 Month Anni.

Well today is the mark of my 1 month gym workout anniversary.

After working out today, I put on a pair of my jeans straight from the dryer - that are usually pretty tight. You could see the indention's of the contents of my pockets like you had x-ray vision - but today they were a lot less tight... not baggy... but not as tight. Then I realized that I have lost 11 lbs... that is the most I have lost in the past 3 years of my endless weight loss attempts. Not much but a lot for me and my PCOS. It really excites me and motivates me. Tomorrow I go grocery shopping for fresh veggies and fruit -- If I focus on my diet as strictly as I have been my workouts I know I will see a larger drop... plus feel better.

I hope I see some type of loss either weight or inches Friday.

Argh.

No change this week... still holding at 275. But the scale at the gym says I am at 277 - so I am going to start going by that one -- it is like the ones used in doctor's offices anyway. I did lose a 1/2 inch on my waist though. ;)

Woohoo!

Alrighty! I am down to 275.2! That is pretty exciting! Seeing that type of weight loss really motivates me to keep kicking it! So far this week I have done my hour long cardio workout 3 times. I am gonna try to go tonight -- starting to feel sick - so we will see. I have been watching my calorie intake and carb intake. I have been hovering around 1600 calories a day and 100 carbs a day.

Working out has helped suppress my appetite. I burn roughly 200 calories on the StairMaster in 15 minutes... and boy do I get pissed off at it -- it kicks my ass HARD. While I am on it I think to myself "You know that damn Hershey bar isn't worth this torture!!!!" So it hasn't been hard for me lately to stay away from the bad stuff... but I know Christmas will be a different story... might have to work out 5 times that week.

Sugar, just beat it!

Wednesday I started my hour workout routine. I didn't quite make it to one hour but I was 20 mins from it. It really worked my butt out though... I was so sore on Thursday that I didn't go to the gym. But I did yesterday.

Yesterday my workout consisted of:
- 15 on the treadmill (185 calories)
- 15 on the stairmaster (206 calories)
- 15 on the stationary bike (85 calories)
- 15 on the elliptical (200 calories)

So, my workout burned 676 calories. That is 2.3 Little Debbie Brownies, 6.4 8 oz Coke's, 4.5 Twinkies or 1.82 Taco Bell Bean Burritos.

Gosh, just think it only takes you 5 minutes to eat 4.5 twinkies - but 60 minutes to burn them off! It really proves to me that our bodies were meant to maximize what we eat. But, then again I have a slow metabolism so others could have a different story.

Today I have eaten a bowl of All Bran with a cut up banana, then a Veggie Burger with veggie salad and a Coke Zero. I was doing great then after lunch I went and had half of my daughter's little debbie brownie (145 calories), and three (I hate to admit it but yes) three twinkies.(450 calories) So that one tiny(well, no BIG) mess up costs me 595 calories.. almost my entire workout. But ya know what really pisses me off? Is that when one morsel of sugar hits my lips I go into "Can't Stop" mode! I forget about what I am trying to accomplish, how hard the stairmaster kicks my butt, and how much I LOATHE being fat. Sugar is my biggest enemy ... next to myself.

Gym Madness.

Well, I didn't have a weight loss last week -- but at least it wasn't a gain. All I have been doing lately is going to the gym... and I am loving it! I am a SAHM right now, and going to the gym with my friend is such an escape for me... plus I feel much more energetic because I feel like I am working towards my weight loss goals... not just sitting around wishing they would come true.

For the past week I have just been getting used to the gym and all of the machines. I have been doing the elliptical machine from 15 to 25 mins at a time - then I go and do the arm and leg machines for about 30 mins. I am going to have to bump up my cardio time. The personal trainer told me that if I want to avoid diabetes I have to focus on weight loss via cardio. She told me strength training is important but it won't be as important until I drop some of my weight. I really love the cardio machines at the gym. They tell you based on your weight and age what your target heart rate should be to burn calories... so that settles my heart some because I know I am working out hard enough but not too hard to hurt myself. My new plan is to do the treadmill for 15 mins, then the stairmaster or stationary bike for 15, then the track for 15 and then the elliptical for 15. I figured this way would help me not become so bored and secondly it would help me not dread any one given machine... cause you know being on one machine for 60 minutes just seems like torture to me... but then again maybe I am just a little spastic.

Well, I gotta go get my baby from school -- then I am going the gym again tonight!

CAUTION: RANT

Well, my goal for my first week was a loss of 2 lbs, and I got a 3 lb loss even with Thanksgiving. That is pretty good ;)

Yesterday, I let myself have whatever I wanted -- and there was tons of carbs! I weighed myself yesterday before eating and the scale said 276.0 - then I weighed myself just now and it says 280.0! Is that even possible? A 4 lb gain in 1 day!? Does this happen to other dieters when they take a break? Or, is this just me and there is something wrong with my body? Yesterday, I didn't eat great at all - but I wasn't expecting a 4 lb gain... I was thinking more or less 2 lb. Well, I am not going to let it get me down - I did still reach my weekly goal, which is good.

Well, Wednesday my girlfriend and I joined the gym. I got a 6 month membership. I wanted to get a 3 month but they wanted me to pay in full instead of installments -- just couldn't do that at this time of year -- so 6 months it is. Anyways, I am excited about the gym - they have a ton of stuff to do -- even water aerobic classes. And, what is really funny is that my end date lands on my sons graduation from Kindergarten. That is an event that I was looking forward to go to a lot lighter - so that motivates me even more. Also, I go next week and a personal trainer evaluates me and gives me a workout plan to follow for 12 weeks and then we meet up again to see my results and change my workout regime. At the end of 12 weeks I will be going on that cruise with my husband .. so I don't lack any motivating events for the future! I am pretty excited though -- I am ready to be active and know that I am doing all that I can. Plus, it gives me something to do for myself and a chance to get out of the house. Being a SAHM can give ya a little cabin fever from time to time.

Oh, yeah I was offered a job and I was supposed to start on the 27th but... I had to do a drug test. I went and did a drug test but the doctors office rejected my sample because: 1) it wasn't 45 ml - it was 40 ml 2) it wasn't hot enough AKA they didn't believe it was my piss. So, they wanted me to wait another 1 - 1 1/2 hour to do another test and I couldn't (I had already been there for an hour and half) I had my children with me - I couldn't find anyone to watch them for me. So, I had to leave and they faxed a letter to my future employer that said I rejected a drug test... which I didn't - I did the friggin' thing. So, I called my company told the HR lady what happened - told her I would take 5 more if they needed me to - but that wasn't good enough - they told me "No job for you!". So, I am back at square one again. I was really bummed out at first - but now I know it was for the best, God knew I didn't need to be there and thankfully he shut the door before I could walk through it.

But, ya know I don't agree with employment drug testing or physicals. My aunt had a physical for a job and the doctor wrote down that she MAY have carpal tunnel syndrome in the future and they denied her the job because she would have to do some typing. The woman is healthy as a buck. I think that is hardcore discrimination. But legally it isn't because "it may affect her job performance." My husband doesn't agree with me... but I think it is a really bad practice that is going to lead to worse things. I mean what if your drug test came back false positive? How could you prove your innocence? You couldn't. I offered to take a million more drug tests and they told me that waiting until the next morning would give me time to get "the drugs" out of my system. (Yes, they talked to me like I was a junkie!) Secondly, if your pee isn't yellow enough they won't accept your sample. Well I drink so much water that my pee is hardly ever yellow! That doesn't mean I am doing drugs! I am trying to be healthy for crying out loud! To me when a company does pre-employment drug testing or random testing - 1) it says that your employer doesn't trust you, 2) it is the same as the police searching your home for narcotics with out any reason -- "Well, we have no reason to suspect that you may have drugs in your home - but we are going to search your place anyway - this is just our way of protecting ourselves.. AND INVADING YOUR RIGHT TO PRIVACY! Yes, you can keep your right to privacy and not take the test -- but then you lose the job. Well, I could rant on this forever -- but I seriously doubt anything is ever going to change - my faith in this government is fading rapidly. Military state, here we come.

If your interested in more, check this out.

Movement Needed.

Umk, my low carbin' has been doing great the past three days. I actually haven't felt very hungry and things that used to tempt me.. just haven't. I have been praying so much for the ability to control myself - I think God may have finally blessed me with it because it has been rather easy. I am not really doing Atkins - my diet leans more towards South Beach. But, I don't make myself eat every 3 hours - I just eat when my stomach is hungry.

I need to start working out regularly... so I called up my best friend (which is no where near as big as I am) and asked her if she would consider signing up at the gym with me. She said she would love too. So... we are going to try to go today and sign up. This gym offers a lot of things to do from aerobics classes, swimming, to weight lifting. So, it shouldn't be too hard for me to find something that I like to do. Plus, it is a 24 hour gym. I figure if I can't get away all day to the gym the worst case scenario is that I wait until my husband gets home and then go. But, hopefully my girlfriend will be able to go with me most of the time. Her and I rarely get to spend time together due to her job and my kids. I am hoping that this will be something we can do together and I can look forward to seeing her and talking my heart out.

So, I think for my first month at the gym I am going to make a goal of going 3 times a week for at least 30 mins each time. Next year this time, I wanna be 100 lbs lighter!!

EEK!

My husband came home and told me that his company trip for 2007 is a cruise! It is in February - think I could lose 100 lbs by then..? Ha, just playing.

But, I never go to his Christmas parties or meet his co-workers for the fear of them saying something about my weight. My husband is on the thinner side - but he is pretty average. But, he really likes this company and the peeps he works with... so he wants me to go with him. I would love to go... I am just afraid of having to wear a bathing suit in front of them. It is one thing to wear regular clothing... but a bathing suit!?!

Oh well, one thing I am going to do is lose some weight before hand. This may be the push that I have been asking for.

So, I have roughly 15 weeks until this cruise... I am thinking a goal of 30 pounds is doable. That is 2 lb a week.

I have been doing pretty good the past three days. Been watching my sugar like a hawk - I am actually excited about weighing in on Friday!

Underneath it all.

Well, I would have posted earlier, except for blogger being buggy.

So, thanks for all the comments. I have been trying to focus on my diet, but I have been extremely absent minded lately. My motivation has run astray - and I'm tired of trying to find the booger. But more on that later.

But, in good news I got my first job using my degree ;) I start the Monday after Thanksgiving. I had to undergo 3 interviews to get the position. But, one thing I noticed is, the girls that I will be working closely with are all around my size. (Well they are actually one or two sizes smaller than me, but close enough). But, that made me instantly more comfortable... more at home. The fear of ridicule, fierce judgment and "I am prettier than you - therefore better" competition fled the room. I actually felt like I had a shot at getting the job - since some other members of my family have told me time and time again, "With how big you are - you are going to have a hard time finding a job." How relaxed I became with their physical presence, in return, made me start thinking - when, WHEN I lose weight - are thicker women going to feel uncomfortable around me? Right now, I would like to think that people feel like they can approach me. I hope that in some way I can keep that when I lose weight -- and I'm not referring to male flirtation -- I actually dread that... a lot. But, in the back of my mind I feel like a down to earth mother, but when I lose weight - who will I turn into? A "too good for you" B? An unapproachable hot woman? A "who does she think she is" woman?

I have no idea who I will be 100 lbs lighter. I am afraid of losing it all when I lose these dreaded pounds - my family, my friends, my open mind.... Who am I underneath?

Time to Change.

I have been feeling like such poo lately. I am sick .. AGAIN! I have been really down and depressed... not including stressed. I am just not taking care of myself. But, I don't know sometimes why it is so hard to comprehend that nothing is going to change unless I change. I want to eat healthy.. I do crave it - but I have noticed and so has my husband that I am self destructive. Why, would anyone be that way? Why am I that way? I have no idea... but I know I am. As soon as I start to lose weight - I start eating horribly and gain it all back (plus some). Once I start getting attention - I drop it and run. What am I so scared of? I am not doing anything bad... this is the best thing I could ever do for myself! Has anyone reading this ever felt this way? Anyone know where to start to conquer it?

Any suggestions or comments are appreciated. So, here I go again... starting over. The only reason I keep on trying is because I know it can be done - and I know that all the ladies out here in weight loss blogdom actually understand it.

So, here is my plan. I am going to wipe out all white stuff, no soda, no fast food, I am only going to eat when my stomach growls, I am going to mostly eat fresh food, and I am going to only eat small portions - about the size of my palm - at a time.

So, lets take in another breath and give it another go!

Simple Cure

Hey guys,

Thanks a lot to those who were concerned. I am doing... okay. Just been doing nothing about getting in shape... haven't cared too much about anything. How do you get back on your feet after being knocked down a million times? The first 100 times you still have some strength.. drive to get back up... I am just so tired. I will try to start posting more regularly. Anything to help.

Gott bitte.

It is hard to do anything when you are depressed.

Schokolade Kuchen

Ah, I totally screwed up tonight.

I had 3 pieces of pizza, 2 cokes, and a piece of birthday cake. Doomed! And you know what? It wasn't even really worth it because I feel like crap - I have a headache and I just feel like poo.

So, I thought I would take this time to look ahead as to what I am going to do next week. I know my Monday weigh in -- prolly isn't going to look to good at all...

But for next week I have a couple of goals:
1. Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat get up and walk for 30 mins.
2. Drink 8 oz of water each day
3. Stay below the calorie ceiling of 1800 a day.

I can do that... I will do that.... and I will be excited about it !!1!1!! ;)

Road Trip

I finally did it! I got back to exercising again! I had stopped in late August (I think) and I have finally gotten off my butt and started again... So what I learned from this experience - DON'T STOP! Even if I am ultra lazy and only workout for 10 minutes - I can't quit - because it is harder to start back up than to speed up.

I am taking it really slow. I only walked and it was for about 25 mins. It was close to a mile, if not a mile. I will have to Map My Run.

There is this hill that I climbed... ah, it was a B! My legs felt like they were going to give out and at some points I felt as if I couldn't catch my breath. I want to blog all of this treachery so I can remember how hard it was in the beginning - so then I will have a better understanding of how I have changed. When change is subtle, it is easy to look over things you have accomplished. I am the worlds worst for getting fed up with myself and saying. "I have been doing this for a month now and I haven't seen the slightest change!" So, this will be my proof that I have indeed done something.

My husband was talking to me last night about my struggle with my weight. I told him how fighting it over the past 5 years has really drained me to the point that sometimes I just want to give up. He said, "What have you done in the last five years? You have bounced from one diet to the next - placing unrealistic goals for yourself and when you didn't reach them you got mad and started something else. You were looking for a quick fix. I think now you have finally realized this is going to be something that is slow changing, and something you have to do to benefit yourself - not something you do just to lose weight." And, it dawned on me - that he was right. It was all vanity before. "I want to be skinny again! I want to look pretty again!" Now, I have calmed down. Maybe it is that I am just getting older - but I am starting to see that there is no rush.

I need to slow down and enjoy the road trip. Beep Beep!

Belly Jelly!

After studying the pictures I posted, I noticed that the majority of my weight is in my stomach. That is to be expected with PCOS... in order for me to lose weight I first have to fight this disease. And what really sucks is I gotta figure out how to do it on my own because doctor's are no flipping help at all. I have books and books on PCOS and how it works on making you crazy - so I think I am going to break them out and do a little digging and post the results here to be a daily reminder as to what exactly I am to do to win this war! ...Not just the battle!

Well, I am off to help my family remodel my grandparents place before they get back home from their 7 month RV trip. Maybe I will post some pics to show you the before and after. It is the entire families Christmas present to them - and not to worry, my mother is an interior decorator so she knows how to hook it up! (You should see my place - everyone thinks I am really talented ;) ..but I can't take any credit...

It is done.

Alrighty, I took a huge leap of faith on my part.

I posted up my pics.

Now, let me warn you... these are some of my worst pictures that I have of myself. They are the pictures you see of yourself and your mouth drops open with disgust - your hair raises on your arms... your fingers tremble because they yearn to rip them up into tiny pieces!

They are THAT bad.

But, I figured so-what if someone I know finds them. This is me, and right now I am fat. I can't change it over night - I see it as a trial in my life and I'm climbing the hill as we speak. Every dog has his day. I don't care if people call me a fatass or make rude comments about me - it may hurt for a split second - but I know the truth about myself. I have been blessed with a husband that loves me for me and has supported me through it all - friends that are curt, yet gentle. I know I am not perfect - inside and out. But, I also know I am not worthless. I do have a lot of weight to lose, I am moody as hell, sometimes I snap at people, and sometimes I can be judgmental - but I try to stay aware of my flaws in order to keep them in check. I guess what I am trying to say is, I am not perfect, far from it - but I have figured out how to love myself with all of my flaws... and I am pretty proud of the person I have came to be while treading through the muck.

Now, I am still using my alias - I just like it. But if you really want to know my name - it's Arica - but I prolly won't ever use it on here. I am going to post pics prolly every three months - and hopefully a difference will be seen!

I just wanna say thanks to all the other girls out there that have had the courage to share themselves online for the world to see - you guys have given me the courage to do it too! Oh, and that is my very first avatar ;)

Sickness Galore

Since I have gotten home I have had this awful cold. Now, it is a horrible cough, headache, neckache... it really stinks!

I wanted to start walking this week - but I just haven't had the mustard to get out of bed in the mornings to run. I get out of bed cause I can't sleep and neither can my daughter ... she is even more sick than I am.

I have gotten back on my regular eating plan... thank God! I am ready to feel better. I have set up a Fit Day account to track my food and exercise. My first goal is to lose 20 lbs by Thanksgiving.

Well, this entry is going nowhere fast - my head hurts. I will post next week if not later this week.

Oh, yeah my stats are:

Current Weight: 285, 115 lbs to go!

Home, Sweet Home.

Alrighty, so I am back... and all I got for it was a cold. Ah, I'm just playing - my family was very ready to see me -- and vice versa! I had a lot of fun, but man was I ready to get back home! Not 24 hours from being home I got a head cold from my kids... and boy does it suck. As you can imagine, I didn't care one bit what I ate on my vacation. I did notice the first few days how horrible I felt... I was really ready to get back on my diet. When I eat right, I find that I feel a lot lighter - when I eat horribly - I feel like a whale! So, I came back 8 pounds heavier. Ah, 8 lbs in 1 week!!! I really know how to pack it on! Oh well, I'm not going to get down - just going to get started. I have made a small goal of losing 20 lbs by Thanksgiving. Plus, I am going to start running again next week (hopefully when this dreadful cold is gone). I want to post to my blog once a week with my results - good or bad! So for now, I'm at 288 with 118 lbs to go! If I can be at my goal by Thanksgiving, I will only have 100 lbs to go.. the lower the better!

Caribbean, here I come!

Well, tomorrow morning at 9am I will be off to the Caribbean.

It will be my first time there and my first time on a cruise. I am excited yet, not, because I don't want to leave my family. I'm a SAHM and rarely away from my kids and hubbie. So we will see how it is going to go. I have been getting a lot of bad news lately, so I am hoping this trip will be stress free... to some degree!

Well, the last week has went pretty well as far as my diet is concerned. I am really starting to find myself wanting to eat better... not doing it just because I "have" to. I have no idea how things are going to pan out on the cruise... and I dunno if this is the right mentality or not but... I am not going to worry about it. If I want a sundae - I'm going to eat one.... without binging! I have found that when I tell myself I can have all those times I used to eat... I really don't want them that badly anymore... hopefully that thinking will help me not gain all the weight I have lost back on this vacation.

Well, I am off to clean house... and see what my daughter is destroying! Be back in a week!

Thank you, McyD's

You know, lately I have been feeling pretty good about my diet.

This past Friday I was helping my mom around the house all day (putting in new floors & painting) by the end of the day we were starving. We had planned to go to the grocery store and get some food to make but we got carried away with getting the house finished. By the time we were finished my kids were starving and so were we. So we did the horrible.... we went to McDonalds. I had a double cheeseburger, french fries and a chocolate shake. Can't you tell I was hungry? After I ate the food, I felt like I had a brick in my stomach! Then I noticed that I hadn't felt that way since I started the South Beach Diet. It was like the past month I didn't even have a stomach... but after eating McyD's it came out of hiding... later that night I had indigestion and a horrible headache. I guess you don't realize how bad... fat, sugar, and carbs can make you feel. Let me tell you, it was extremely easy for me to get back on my diet the next day. I didn't realize how eating right makes you feel so much better. Even though, I really screwed up by going to McDonald's - I was able to realize that my diet is slowly becoming a lifestyle change for me. Just knowing that makes me feel even better than seeing the scales go down. Anyone can lose weight, you can starve yourself, go on a liquid diet, eliminate all carbs... but in the end nothing has really changed except the scales... I want more than that - I want to change my life by becoming healthy and hopefully weight loss will become a side effect. But, McDonalds helped me see that I am not really missing out on anything... unless you count indigestion and headaches as a good time.